Monday Memo: April Fool!
By Holland Cooke
Consultant
Pick a day, any day. At least one news item will have the little voice in your head hollering “TELL me you’re kidding!” After recent headlines, and as various plots thicken, that little voice might need a lozenge.
In olden times, DJs’ and hosts’ April 1 on-air shenanigans would amuse and/or upset listeners. Some of these gags cost jesters their jobs. Expect less of that today, as the local talent ranks have thinned. Maybe A.I. DJs will come up with something.
As cutbacks were cascading on April 1, 2008, my gallows humor headline was: “Farid himself now voice-tracking True Oldies, using on-air name Fred Soulman, as staff cuts force management on-air. The Mystery Oldie-of-the-Day winner gets 1,000 shares of Citadel stock or $1,000 cash, whichever is less. APRIL FOOL!”
Back to the future: Many surviving jocks and talkers and newscasters have something in common, what consultants call “word economy.” It’s never been more important than during these dizzying days, but it’s nothing new. All along, those who took only 7 seconds to make a point seemed to be more successful than those who took 17 seconds. When I was a DJ, I stole a line from WABC’s Dan Ingram, who intro’d the Elton John song, “Someone Shaved My Wife Tonight.”
If you’re spinning the hits, streams are spinning more of ‘em, without eight-unit stopsets. So keep it moving. Doing news? Listeners are wondering “What NEXT?” and if you’re telling them, succinctly, they’ll find you helpful and habit-forming. Hosting a talk show? Understand that every other media experience listeners favor is interactive. Busy caller traffic (something local advertisers notice) lets you own topic du jour.
And whether you’re a DJ, news person, or host: Every…single…minute…someone just got in the car. Reset frequently-enough that they’re up-to-speed.
But don’t take my word for it. Being April Fool’s Day, I’ll let these funsters (some immortal) demonstrate this word economy I preach:
“I saw a bank that said ‘24-hour banking,’ but I don’t have that much time.”
— Comedian Steven Wright, my Block Island neighbor
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
— Rodney Dangerfield
“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.”
— Rita Rudner
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
— Groucho Marx
“I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again.”
— Joan Rivers
Holland Cooke (HollandCooke.com) is a consultant working at the intersection of broadcasting and the Internet. He is the author of “The Local Radio Advantage: Your 4-Week Tune-In Tune-Up,” and “Close Like Crazy: Local Direct Leads, Pitches & Specs That Earned the Benjamins” and “Confidential: Negotiation Checklist for Weekend Talk Radio.” Follow HC on Twitter @HollandCooke and connect on LinkedIn.
producers.” All Entries in the 2024 competition were screened online by NYF’s Radio Awards international Grand Jury of 200-plus producers, directors, writers, and other creative media professionals from around the globe and judged on the following set of criteria: production values, creativity, content presentation, direction, writing, achievement of purpose and audience suitability. Award-winning entries will be announced during the New York Festivals 2024 Storytellers Gala virtual event on April 16 at 6:00 pm ET. The virtual event will include featured global audio and video highlights, award winners’ acceptance speeches from around the world, and up-close and personal spotlights featuring some of radio and television’s most respected storytellers. All winners will be showcased on the Radio Awards winners gallery. 
The headlines haven’t been kind to journalism lately. That recent
The fourth of four rounds of ratings data from Nielsen Audio’s February 2024 PPM survey has been released for 12 markets including Austin, Raleigh, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, Nashville, Providence, Norfolk, Jacksonville, West Palm Beach, Greensboro, Memphis, and Hartford. The survey covered February 1 – 28. Today, TALKERS magazine managing editor Mike Kinosian presents his Ratings Takeaways from this group of markets. In Austin, Waterloo Media’s news/talk KLBJ-AM drops six-tenths to finish with a 5.1 share (6+, weekly AQH share) but remains ranked #5, while Audacy’s news/talk KJCE-AM rises two-tenths for a 0.3 share and stays ranked #28. In Raleigh, iHeartMedia’s news/talk WTKK-FM rises half a share to finish with an 8.0 share that lifts it to the #3 rank, while Curtis Media’s news/talk WPTF loses two-tenths for a 0.8 share finish good for the #19 rank. In Nashville, Cumulus Media’s news/talk WWTN-FM tacks on three-tenths to wrap the survey with a 5.7 share and inches up to the #5 rank, while iHeartMedia’s news/talk WLAC is steady with a 2.1 share but moves up one spot to the #17 rank. 
Ryan,” to the company’s sports talk WXYT-FM, Detroit “97.1 The Ticket.” In Detroit, Ryan will serve as network pregame, postgame and weekday fill-in host, beginning April 1. Ryan comments, “I’ve carried around a post-it note for 14 years with three sports stations written on it, including ‘97.1 The Ticket.’ My longterm goal was to get a full-time job at one of them. I am so excited to join one of the best media teams in the country as I unlock this long-awaited achievement.” 
1. Financial solvency laws. Consolidation is not the problem; it actually saved the radio industry. The problem is the 1986 rule change that dropped financial solvency requirements for station ownership. Prior to 1986, stations could not be purchased with debt. A potential owner had to prove that they could meet the expenses of a station through the duration of its license. Once the financial efficacy rule was dropped and stations could be purchased with debt, the industry was financially decimated. Prediction: Financial solvency laws will be re-instated.
February 2024 PPM Data – Information for the February 2024 ratings period (February 1 – February 28) has been released for New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Nassau-Suffolk (Long Island), Riverside-San Bernardino-Ontario, San Jose, and Middlesex-Somerset-Union (New Jersey).
writer Bob Cooney to middays. The question Tornoe asks is what about Mike Missanelli? “Rumors have been swirling in sports radio circles the past few days about the return of Missanelli, once the station’s biggest star, whose sudden exit from his afternoon show in 2022 after 15 years shocked listeners.” Tornoe says that Missanelli has been in contact with management but there’s nothing to report and Missanelli isn’t talking. PD Scott Masteller tells the paper, “Mike’s name has come up. He’s a great talent, and we’ll just have to wait and see what happens. A lot of people are interested in the radio station right now. So, I’ll leave it at that.” The current PM drive show is “The Best Show Ever?” hosted by Tyrone Johnson, Ricky Bottalico and Jenn Scordo.